Why Are People Afraid to Grow Up?

In a previous blog, “Living Life as an Authentic Adult,” I briefly described the reasons why so many people operate as children emotionally and refuse to grow up. I discussed how, to varying degrees, individuals are restricted in their ability to function in an adult mode because of “unresolved childhood trauma and the defenses they…

 

The Fantasy Bond: A Substitute for a Truly Loving Relationship

Most people have fears of intimacy and are self-protective and at the same time are terrified of being alone. Their solution to their emotional dilemma is to form a fantasy bond. This illusion of connection and closeness allows them to maintain an imagination of love and loving while preserving emotional distance. Destructive fantasy bonds, which…

 

Living Life as an Authentic Adult

Most people are unaware that they are conducting their lives more from a child’s frame of reference than in an adult mode. Although men and women mature physically and become more capable in their practical lives, rarely do they achieve emotional maturity. In my view, the primary barriers to maturity are unresolved childhood trauma, the…

 

How to Stop Being a Victim

Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears. ~ Marcus Aurelius, Meditations One of the principle ways that people mismanage their anger is by playing the role of victim. In a previous blog, “Don’t Play the Victim Game,” I described the characteristics of individuals who, because they feel uncomfortable with their own anger,…

 

Qualities of an Ideal Therapist

Outcome studies in psychotherapy have shown that “The therapist is a key change ingredient in most successful therapy.” Researchers have also identified a number of traits in psychotherapists that facilitate clients’ progress and change.* In The Fear of Intimacy, I outlined my approach to psychotherapy and described personal qualities in therapists that I consider essential…

 

Why Competitive Feelings Are Good For You

Being competitive can have an ugly connotation in our society. It has become, in some ways, synonymous with greed, envy and narcissism. But feeling competitive isn’t always about climbing the ladder, winning the race or getting ahead. Competitive feelings are completely natural. Moreover, they’re unavoidable. Like it or not, we all feel competitive a lot…

 

Preventing Suicide: Effective Treatments

I’ve been in the field of suicide prevention for almost 30 years. When I started out as a psychologist, there were no empirically valid treatments for suicidal people, in part, because many studies of mental health disorders actually excluded suicidal subjects. In addition, the treatments for suicidality often targeted the conditions believed to be underlying…

 

How You Can Help Prevent a Suicide

September’s National Suicide Prevention Month sheds light on a subject all too often avoided in our society. Suicide affects millions of people each year. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control. The first step toward stopping this devastating and preventable public health problem…

 

Benefits of Mindful Parenting

You’re running late, picking up some last-minute groceries. Your 7-year-old is dressed for baseball practice, and your 3-year-old has just kicked off her shoes in the middle of the freezer aisle. Frantically, you attempt to put her shoes back on, which sends her into a tantrum. At this exact moment, your 7-year-old catches a glimpse…

 

Why Break Ups Hurt So Much

When we feel absolutely devastated by a relationship coming to an end, we should ask ourselves a serious question: “What are we really losing?” Admittedly, one of the most painful things in life is loss, and losing contact with someone we love can be heartbreaking. However, many people decide to call it quits after months…